The Trap of Comparisons: Why They Hurt More Than They Help

When most people hear the word loss, they immediately think of death. And while the death of a loved one is one of the most profound forms of grief we can experience, it’s not the only one. Loss can take many forms — the end of a relationship, a job you loved, a friendship you thought would last forever, your health changing in a way you didn’t expect, or the quiet moment when you realize a dream you’ve carried for years will never happen. Some losses are big and loud, others are quiet and subtle — but all of them can leave a mark. ⸻ The Many Faces of Loss Loss can look like: • The end of a relationship — Breakups, divorces, or even the drifting apart from someone you once considered family. • Losing a job or career path — When your role in the world shifts, it can shake your sense of identity and security. • The dream you thought you’d achieve — The future you imagined for yourself, whether it’s a career, family, or lifestyle. • Loss of health — Illness, injury, or aging can change what you’re able to do, and with it, how you see yourself. • Loss of a version of yourself — Growing and changing means leaving behind old chapters, even if they were good ones. • Loss through death — A loved one, pet, or chosen family member whose absence changes the shape of your world. These experiences may not all come with sympathy cards or formal rituals, but they are still grief-worthy. ⸻ Why These Losses Are Often Dismissed Society has a way of ranking grief. Death is viewed as “real” loss, while everything else often gets brushed off as “just a phase” or “something you’ll get over.” • End a relationship? “You’ll find someone else.” • Lose your job? “At least you have time to figure out what’s next.” • Dream no longer possible? “Just pick a new one.” While these comments might be meant to comfort, they often do the opposite. They send the message that your loss isn’t valid — that you should move on quickly, without giving it the attention and care it deserves. ⸻ The Cost of Skipping Over Loss When you try to push through too quickly, your grief doesn’t disappear. It hides. And over time, it can leak out in ways you may not even connect to the original loss: • Difficulty trusting people or opportunities • Resentment or bitterness toward others • Feeling stuck or unmotivated • Numbing yourself through distraction or overwork • Struggling to imagine a future that excites you We can’t heal from what we refuse to face. ⸻ Why Acknowledging Loss Matters Grief, no matter the source, is your mind and body’s way of adjusting to a new reality. Ignoring it is like trying to walk on a broken leg without a cast — you may keep moving, but you’re not healing. Acknowledging loss means: • Naming what you’ve lost and why it mattered • Allowing yourself to feel whatever comes up, without rushing the process • Recognizing that loss changes you — and that’s not always a bad thing ⸻ How to Begin Processing Loss You don’t have to have all the answers or a “plan” for moving forward right away. But you can start with small steps: 1. Name it — Be specific about what you’ve lost. 2. Allow the feelings — There’s no wrong way to grieve. 3. Find safe spaces — Whether that’s with a trusted friend, family or coach, talk about it with someone who won’t rush you. 4. Honor it — Create your own ritual, journal about it, or give yourself intentional time to sit with the loss. 5. Separate identity from circumstance — You are more than what you’ve lost. ⸻ How Coaching Can Help In my work as a life and relationship coach, I often meet people who dismiss their own grief because “it wasn’t as bad” as someone else’s. But comparison doesn’t heal. Coaching offers you: • A safe, judgment-free space to talk openly about your loss • Help untangling complex emotions so you can see your next steps clearly • Tools for rebuilding your life without pretending the loss didn’t matter  • Support in finding meaning and purpose moving forward ⸻ Final Thoughts Loss is loss — whether it’s a person, a relationship, a job, a dream, your health, or a version of yourself you thought you’d always be. It matters. It shapes you. And it deserves to be acknowledged, not rushed through. Moving forward isn’t about “getting over it” — it’s about learning to carry it in a way that allows you to still build a life you love. You don’t have to do that alone.