The Fear of Moving On

Genna Marie • January 31, 2025

The Fear of Moving On: Navigating the Uncertainty of Leaving a Long-Term Relationship

Leaving a long-term relationship or marriage is one of the hardest decisions a person can face. It’s not just about ending a relationship—it’s about stepping into the unknown, grieving the life you once envisioned, and confronting fears that can make staying seem easier.

You might question yourself:

•     What if I regret this?

•     What if I end up alone?

•     What if they move on with someone else?

•     Am I making a mistake?

These fears are valid. But here’s a truth I often share in coaching: staying is hard, and leaving is hard—choose your hard.

Why We Stay Even When We Know It’s Over

It’s easy to convince yourself that staying is the safer choice. After all, change is terrifying. But staying for the wrong reasons—fear of loneliness, guilt, or not wanting to see your partner with someone else—only prolongs your own pain.

For so long, you may have prioritized not hurting your partner, but at what cost? You’ve accepted your own suffering to avoid theirs. It’s time to shift that perspective. Choosing yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.


There Is No Timeline—Take the Time You Need


One of the biggest pressures people feel when facing this decision is the idea that they should have already figured it out. Maybe well-meaning friends or family have given their opinions, urging you to leave or stay. But this isn’t about what others think—it’s about you.

No two situations are the same. Even if your best friend, sibling, or coworker went through something similar, their journey is not yours. Comparison will only make you doubt yourself more. Give yourself permission to take the time you need to come to a decision that feels right for you, not what others expect.

Steps to Start Moving Forward


1. Identify Your Needs (and Accept That They Matter)

You’ve likely spent years considering your partner’s emotions, desires, and well-being. But what about yours? What do you need? What do you want your life to look like?

Start shifting your focus inward and recognizing that your feelings and needs are just as important as anyone else’s.

2. Prepare for the Conversation (As Much as Possible)

Ending a relationship isn’t a conversation you just wing. It’s emotional, messy, and unpredictable. While you can’t control your partner’s response, you can prepare yourself.

 • Use “I” statements to keep the     focus on your feelings rather than placing blame.

 • “I have realized that I need something different in my life.”

 • “I’ve been struggling with this decision, but I know that I need to move forward.”

 •      Expect a range of reactions— shock,  sadness, anger—and remind yourself that their emotions are not yours to fix.

3. Accept That You Cannot Control Their Feelings

One of the hardest parts of ending a long-term relationship is knowing you’re causing someone pain. But staying out of guilt or obligation isn’t love—it’s fear.

Your partner may be hurt, confused, or even try to change your mind. That’s natural. But this moment isn’t about them—it’s about honoring your truth.

4. Work with a Coach to Feel More Prepared

This process is overwhelming, and it’s easy to get lost in self-doubt. This is where coaching can be invaluable.

 •      A coach helps you reframe your fears so that you see leaving not as a failure, but as a necessary     step toward a life that aligns with your needs.   

 •      You can rehearse different conversations, so you feel more confident and less reactive in the     moment.

 •      You’ll be reminded that you don’t need to justify every detail to your partner—you’re not trying to   convince them,  just state what you need.

I have become the support person for so many as they navigate this transition. I know firsthand how heavy this decision can feel, how paralyzing the fear of change can be. But I also know the relief, the clarity, and eventually, the peace that comes from honoring what you truly need.


The Strength in Choosing Yourself


Moving on is painful, but so is staying in something that no longer serves you. The difference? One leads to growth.

Choosing to leave isn’t about giving up—it’s about stepping forward. It’s about recognizing that while the future is uncertain, you deserve to build a life where you feel fulfilled, not just comfortable.


If You’re Struggling, You Don’t Have to Do It Alone


This decision can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to go through it alone. As a coach, I’ve supported many people through the fear, uncertainty, and emotional weight of leaving a long-term relationship. I provide a judgment-free space where you can process your emotions, gain clarity, and prepare for the next steps—whether that’s making the decision, having the conversation, or rebuilding afterward.

You don’t have to justify your feelings or convince anyone of your choice. This is about you and what you need. If you’re at this crossroads, I’m here to help you navigate it with confidence and self-compassion.


Moving on is painful, but so is staying in something that no longer serves you. The difference? One leads to growth.

Choosing to leave isn’t about giving up—it’s about stepping forward. It’s about recognizing that while the future is uncertain, you deserve to build a life where you feel fulfilled, not just comfortable.

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Taking Back Control

By Genna Marie • February 9, 2025
Taking Back Control: How to Stop Letting Others’ Moods and Comments Dictate Your Emotions Have you ever felt like someone’s bad mood or offhand comment ruined your entire day? Maybe a co-worker’s negativity left you drained, or a loved one’s criticism triggered self-doubt. It’s easy to absorb the emotions of those around us, but when we allow others to dictate how we feel, we give away our personal power. The truth is, while we can’t control what others say or do, we can control how we respond. I have used that message in every aspect of my personal and professional life for many years. Learning to reframe and react positively can protect our peace and help us stay grounded in our own emotional well-being. Why Do We Let Others Affect Us? We’re wired for connection, which means we naturally respond to the energy and emotions of those around us. This can be helpful in building empathy, but it becomes harmful when we internalize negativity or let external factors dictate our inner world. Common reasons we absorb others’ moods and comments: • Validation-seeking: We tie our worth to how others see us. • Conflict avoidance: We feel responsible for fixing their emotions. • Emotional sensitivity: We struggle to separate their feelings from our own. • People-pleasing tendencies: We take on others’ burdens to keep the peace. If this sounds familiar, don’t worry—it’s possible to shift this pattern and reclaim your emotional independence. How to Reframe and Respond Positively One of the things I focus on in my coaching is helping people reframe their thoughts and actions. People often think of this as simply “looking on the bright side,” but for me, reframing is about something deeper—it’s about recognizing what you need in a situation. It’s not just about positivity; it’s about clarity, boundaries, and self-protection. For example, sometimes setting a boundary for yourself might feel like you’re “giving in” or not standing your ground, but in reality, you’re choosing to protect your peace. Reframing allows you to see that stepping back isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom. It’s about responding in a way that serves you, rather than reacting out of frustration, hurt, or obligation. Here’s how you can start practicing this in daily life: 1. Recognize What’s Yours and What’s Theirs When someone is upset, take a moment to ask yourself: • Is this my emotion, or am I absorbing theirs? • Is this comment about me, or is it a reflection of their own struggles? By identifying the source, you can avoid carrying emotional weight that doesn’t belong to you. 2. Pause Before Reacting Instead of immediately responding with frustration, self-doubt, or defensiveness, practice the pause : • Take a deep breath. • Remind yourself that their words or mood are not a reflection of your worth. • Respond with intention, not impulse. This simple practice can prevent knee-jerk reactions and help you maintain your composure. 3. Reframe Negative Comments When faced with criticism or negativity, try to reframe it: • Instead of: “Why are they being so rude to me?” Try: “They might be having a bad day, but that doesn’t mean I have to take it personally.” • Instead of: “I must have done something wrong.” Try: “Their reaction is about them, not me.” This shift helps you detach from their negativity and stay in control of your emotions. 4. Set Emotional Boundaries Protect your energy by setting limits: • If someone is constantly negative, limit your exposure or change the topic. • If a comment stings, remind yourself that you define your worth, not others. • If a conversation is escalating, politely disengage: “I hear you, but I need to step away from this for now.” Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out; they’re about keeping yourself emotionally safe. 5. Shift Your Focus to What You Can Control You can’t control how others feel or what they say, but you can control: • Your response • Your self-talk • The energy you bring to a situation When negativity arises, ask yourself: “How do I want to feel today?” Then choose actions that align with that feeling. 6. Surround Yourself with Positive Reinforcement If you find yourself dwelling on someone’s words or mood, counteract it with positivity: • Listen to uplifting music or a motivational podcast. • Repeat affirmations like “I am in control of my emotions” or “I choose peace over reaction.” • Engage with people who bring positive energy into your life. By reinforcing positivity, you train your mind to stay resilient in the face of negativity. Final Thoughts: Reclaim Your Emotional Power Other people’s emotions and words don’t have to dictate your day. By recognizing what’s yours, pausing before reacting, reframing negativity, setting boundaries, and focusing on what you can control, you take back your power. In my coaching, I help people see that reframing isn’t about false positivity—it’s about finding clarity and making decisions that align with what you truly need. Sometimes that means standing firm, and other times it means stepping back for your own well-being. Neither is a sign of weakness. Both are a sign of emotional strength. You are not responsible for fixing others’ emotions, but you are responsible for protecting your own peace. The more you practice these shifts, the more you’ll find yourself responding with confidence, clarity, and calm—no matter what’s happening around you.

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Calculated Absence

By Genna Marie • January 5, 2025
The Power of Calculated Absence in Cultivating Intimacy Intimacy in relationships isn’t just about closeness—sometimes, it’s about space. It may seem counterintuitive, but creating intentional distance, or “calculated absence,” can deepen emotional and physical connections. This isn’t about playing games or testing your partner’s loyalty. Instead, it’s a mindful approach to nurturing individuality, rediscovering personal value, and fostering a more fulfilling connection in the relationship. What Is Calculated Absence? Calculated absence is the deliberate practice of taking time apart to focus on yourself, your passions, and your needs. It isn’t about neglect or detachment but about creating opportunities for self-growth and reflection. This space allows you to return to your partner more present, emotionally available, and invested. Think of it like a fire: too much closeness can smother the flame, but the right amount of air keeps it burning brightly. Why Absence Matters in Intimacy When we’re constantly enmeshed with our partners, we risk losing sight of our individuality. This can lead to resentment, stagnation, or even an erosion of attraction. By intentionally creating moments of absence, you allow for: 1. Reigniting Desire: Distance can spark longing and remind your partner of your uniqueness. It reignites the mystery and excitement often dulled by routine. 2. Rediscovering Yourself: Time alone lets you reconnect with your values, goals, and passions. This personal growth translates into a more enriched connection when you’re together. 3. Cultivating Appreciation : Absence creates room for gratitude. It reminds both partners not to take each other for granted, as the absence highlights the value of presence. How to Use Calculated Absence in Your Relationship 1. Communicate Clearly: Be transparent with your partner about your intentions. Explain that this is about self-growth and nurturing the relationship, not avoidance or withdrawal. 2. Set Intentions : Use the time to explore hobbies, connect with friends, or practice self-care. This isn’t about creating emotional distance but about investing in yourself. 3. Practice “The Pause” : When conflicts arise, stepping away briefly before responding can prevent reactive arguments and allow for a more thoughtful approach. 4. Reunite With Purpose : When you return to your partner, be intentional about reconnecting. Share what you learned or experienced during your time apart. Intimacy Beyond Closeness Intimacy isn’t about constant proximity; it’s about connection. By incorporating calculated absence into your relationship, you foster a sense of balance that allows both partners to thrive individually and together. In the end, calculated absence isn’t a sign of weakness or distance in your relationship—it’s a tool for growth, a practice in mindfulness, and an invitation to love deeper, not harder I understand that this might be a new concept for many, I wanted to include an example as to how I have incorporated the 'calculated absence' into my coaching. Client example "Mary" came to me feeling overwhelmed. She and her partner loved each other deeply, but she struggled with guilt anytime she needed space for herself. She believed that denying intimacy—even briefly—meant she was failing as a partner. “Isn’t a strong relationship about always being there for each other?” she asked. Mary's guilt had led her to suppress her own needs to keep the peace, but over time, she felt drained and disconnected. She worried that her feelings of exhaustion might push her partner away, creating a cycle she didn’t know how to break. In our sessions, I introduced the idea of calculated absence , explaining that intimacy doesn’t mean constant proximity. Rather, it thrives when both partners feel valued as individuals. I shared one of my favorite mottos: “Practice the pause.” I explained that just like in conversations, where a thoughtful pause can prevent reactive words, a pause in togetherness can be a moment of clarity, allowing space for deeper connection. At first, Mary was reluctant. She worried her partner might feel rejected or interpret her need for space as disinterest. But with guidance, she started small, carving out moments of intentional absence. She explained to her partner that her goal was to use this time to recharge so she could show up more present and engaged. To her surprise, her partner embraced the idea. He shared that he, too, had been craving moments to focus on himself but had been unsure how to express it without seeming distant. Mary began practicing the pause by setting aside time for herself each week. She used these moments to journal, take yoga classes, or sit quietly with her thoughts. What shifted wasn’t just her energy but her mindset. The guilt she once associated with needing space began to fade as she saw how this intentional time apart strengthened their connection. When she returned to her partner after these pauses, she felt lighter, more grounded, and emotionally available. Their intimacy no longer felt like a box to check—it became something organic and fulfilling. She shared with me that her partner admitted that the time to focus on himself had allowed him to feel more connected to her than ever before. Mary’s story is a powerful reminder that pausing isn’t a weakness—it’s a strength. In relationships, creating space to honor your individuality isn’t denying intimacy; it’s nurturing it. *clients name was changed to respect privacy*
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