Unequal Endings

Genna Marie • January 14, 2025

Unequal Endings: Coping with the Different Speeds of Moving On


When a relationship ends, it’s rarely a mutual realization at the same time and pace. Often, one person comes to terms with their feelings well before the other. They’ve started detangling their emotions, imagining life without the relationship, and even grieving its loss—sometimes without saying a word. For the other, the news hits like a tidal wave.


This unevenness creates two very different journeys. One person might feel relief, ready to step into a new chapter, while the other is blindsided, struggling to process a reality they never saw coming.


For the person playing “catch-up,” the road can seem much more difficult. Grieving what was, confronting what is, and adjusting to an unfamiliar future can feel overwhelming. The slower pace of healing isn’t a sign of weakness but rather a testament to the depth of their love and investment.


Meanwhile, the person who knew their feelings earlier may feel frustration or guilt. They might question if they handled things “right,” or feel burdened by their partner’s emotional struggle. But, we must remember, that just because this person appears to be ready to move on, doesn't have to mean that they had an easy time getting to this point, it may have just happen sooner.


This imbalance can make closure complicated, especially when one side might be ready to move forward while the other is just beginning their process.



How a Coach Can Help


A life or relationship coach can be an invaluable guide during this uneven transition. Coaches provide a neutral, supportive space to process your emotions, set personal goals, and build the tools needed to move forward.


For the person struggling to “catch up,” a coach can help them unpack their feelings, understand the grief they’re experiencing, and rebuild their sense of self. Whether it’s through journaling prompts, mindfulness exercises, or helping to envision a new chapter, coaches offer personalized strategies to navigate the overwhelming emotions that arise.


For the person who’s already made peace with their decision, a coach can help address lingering guilt or hesitancy about moving on. They can also provide guidance on how to communicate with empathy, ensuring that both people feel respected and heard in this challenging time.


The end of a partnership often requires deep honesty about the uncoupling, the relationship, and yourself-- something a coach can help you uncover with compassion. whether your the one moving on or playing catch-up, a coaching provides a safe space to find clarity, uncover life lessons, and discover positives even in turbulent times, helping you move forward with authenticity and self-awareness.


Breakups don’t have to feel isolating. A coach acts as a compassionate guide through the grey areas, helping both individuals—whether together or apart—find clarity and confidence to move forward at their own pace.



Moving Forward


To navigate this uneven terrain, it’s vital to embrace patience and compassion—for yourself and for each other. Just as relationships are a shared experience, so too are breakups. Even when moving in opposite directions, there’s room for understanding and care.


Recognizing that healing has no set timeline—and that grief takes different forms for everyone—can make the process less isolating. You don’t have to heal at the same speed; you just have to honor where you are. And with the right support, whether from a coach or a trusted confidant, you can find your way through to the other. 

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Taking Back Control

By Genna Marie • February 9, 2025
Taking Back Control: How to Stop Letting Others’ Moods and Comments Dictate Your Emotions Have you ever felt like someone’s bad mood or offhand comment ruined your entire day? Maybe a co-worker’s negativity left you drained, or a loved one’s criticism triggered self-doubt. It’s easy to absorb the emotions of those around us, but when we allow others to dictate how we feel, we give away our personal power. The truth is, while we can’t control what others say or do, we can control how we respond. I have used that message in every aspect of my personal and professional life for many years. Learning to reframe and react positively can protect our peace and help us stay grounded in our own emotional well-being. Why Do We Let Others Affect Us? We’re wired for connection, which means we naturally respond to the energy and emotions of those around us. This can be helpful in building empathy, but it becomes harmful when we internalize negativity or let external factors dictate our inner world. Common reasons we absorb others’ moods and comments: • Validation-seeking: We tie our worth to how others see us. • Conflict avoidance: We feel responsible for fixing their emotions. • Emotional sensitivity: We struggle to separate their feelings from our own. • People-pleasing tendencies: We take on others’ burdens to keep the peace. If this sounds familiar, don’t worry—it’s possible to shift this pattern and reclaim your emotional independence. How to Reframe and Respond Positively One of the things I focus on in my coaching is helping people reframe their thoughts and actions. People often think of this as simply “looking on the bright side,” but for me, reframing is about something deeper—it’s about recognizing what you need in a situation. It’s not just about positivity; it’s about clarity, boundaries, and self-protection. For example, sometimes setting a boundary for yourself might feel like you’re “giving in” or not standing your ground, but in reality, you’re choosing to protect your peace. Reframing allows you to see that stepping back isn’t weakness—it’s wisdom. It’s about responding in a way that serves you, rather than reacting out of frustration, hurt, or obligation. Here’s how you can start practicing this in daily life: 1. Recognize What’s Yours and What’s Theirs When someone is upset, take a moment to ask yourself: • Is this my emotion, or am I absorbing theirs? • Is this comment about me, or is it a reflection of their own struggles? By identifying the source, you can avoid carrying emotional weight that doesn’t belong to you. 2. Pause Before Reacting Instead of immediately responding with frustration, self-doubt, or defensiveness, practice the pause : • Take a deep breath. • Remind yourself that their words or mood are not a reflection of your worth. • Respond with intention, not impulse. This simple practice can prevent knee-jerk reactions and help you maintain your composure. 3. Reframe Negative Comments When faced with criticism or negativity, try to reframe it: • Instead of: “Why are they being so rude to me?” Try: “They might be having a bad day, but that doesn’t mean I have to take it personally.” • Instead of: “I must have done something wrong.” Try: “Their reaction is about them, not me.” This shift helps you detach from their negativity and stay in control of your emotions. 4. Set Emotional Boundaries Protect your energy by setting limits: • If someone is constantly negative, limit your exposure or change the topic. • If a comment stings, remind yourself that you define your worth, not others. • If a conversation is escalating, politely disengage: “I hear you, but I need to step away from this for now.” Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out; they’re about keeping yourself emotionally safe. 5. Shift Your Focus to What You Can Control You can’t control how others feel or what they say, but you can control: • Your response • Your self-talk • The energy you bring to a situation When negativity arises, ask yourself: “How do I want to feel today?” Then choose actions that align with that feeling. 6. Surround Yourself with Positive Reinforcement If you find yourself dwelling on someone’s words or mood, counteract it with positivity: • Listen to uplifting music or a motivational podcast. • Repeat affirmations like “I am in control of my emotions” or “I choose peace over reaction.” • Engage with people who bring positive energy into your life. By reinforcing positivity, you train your mind to stay resilient in the face of negativity. Final Thoughts: Reclaim Your Emotional Power Other people’s emotions and words don’t have to dictate your day. By recognizing what’s yours, pausing before reacting, reframing negativity, setting boundaries, and focusing on what you can control, you take back your power. In my coaching, I help people see that reframing isn’t about false positivity—it’s about finding clarity and making decisions that align with what you truly need. Sometimes that means standing firm, and other times it means stepping back for your own well-being. Neither is a sign of weakness. Both are a sign of emotional strength. You are not responsible for fixing others’ emotions, but you are responsible for protecting your own peace. The more you practice these shifts, the more you’ll find yourself responding with confidence, clarity, and calm—no matter what’s happening around you.

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Calculated Absence

By Genna Marie • January 5, 2025
The Power of Calculated Absence in Cultivating Intimacy Intimacy in relationships isn’t just about closeness—sometimes, it’s about space. It may seem counterintuitive, but creating intentional distance, or “calculated absence,” can deepen emotional and physical connections. This isn’t about playing games or testing your partner’s loyalty. Instead, it’s a mindful approach to nurturing individuality, rediscovering personal value, and fostering a more fulfilling connection in the relationship. What Is Calculated Absence? Calculated absence is the deliberate practice of taking time apart to focus on yourself, your passions, and your needs. It isn’t about neglect or detachment but about creating opportunities for self-growth and reflection. This space allows you to return to your partner more present, emotionally available, and invested. Think of it like a fire: too much closeness can smother the flame, but the right amount of air keeps it burning brightly. Why Absence Matters in Intimacy When we’re constantly enmeshed with our partners, we risk losing sight of our individuality. This can lead to resentment, stagnation, or even an erosion of attraction. By intentionally creating moments of absence, you allow for: 1. Reigniting Desire: Distance can spark longing and remind your partner of your uniqueness. It reignites the mystery and excitement often dulled by routine. 2. Rediscovering Yourself: Time alone lets you reconnect with your values, goals, and passions. This personal growth translates into a more enriched connection when you’re together. 3. Cultivating Appreciation : Absence creates room for gratitude. It reminds both partners not to take each other for granted, as the absence highlights the value of presence. How to Use Calculated Absence in Your Relationship 1. Communicate Clearly: Be transparent with your partner about your intentions. Explain that this is about self-growth and nurturing the relationship, not avoidance or withdrawal. 2. Set Intentions : Use the time to explore hobbies, connect with friends, or practice self-care. This isn’t about creating emotional distance but about investing in yourself. 3. Practice “The Pause” : When conflicts arise, stepping away briefly before responding can prevent reactive arguments and allow for a more thoughtful approach. 4. Reunite With Purpose : When you return to your partner, be intentional about reconnecting. Share what you learned or experienced during your time apart. Intimacy Beyond Closeness Intimacy isn’t about constant proximity; it’s about connection. By incorporating calculated absence into your relationship, you foster a sense of balance that allows both partners to thrive individually and together. In the end, calculated absence isn’t a sign of weakness or distance in your relationship—it’s a tool for growth, a practice in mindfulness, and an invitation to love deeper, not harder I understand that this might be a new concept for many, I wanted to include an example as to how I have incorporated the 'calculated absence' into my coaching. Client example "Mary" came to me feeling overwhelmed. She and her partner loved each other deeply, but she struggled with guilt anytime she needed space for herself. She believed that denying intimacy—even briefly—meant she was failing as a partner. “Isn’t a strong relationship about always being there for each other?” she asked. Mary's guilt had led her to suppress her own needs to keep the peace, but over time, she felt drained and disconnected. She worried that her feelings of exhaustion might push her partner away, creating a cycle she didn’t know how to break. In our sessions, I introduced the idea of calculated absence , explaining that intimacy doesn’t mean constant proximity. Rather, it thrives when both partners feel valued as individuals. I shared one of my favorite mottos: “Practice the pause.” I explained that just like in conversations, where a thoughtful pause can prevent reactive words, a pause in togetherness can be a moment of clarity, allowing space for deeper connection. At first, Mary was reluctant. She worried her partner might feel rejected or interpret her need for space as disinterest. But with guidance, she started small, carving out moments of intentional absence. She explained to her partner that her goal was to use this time to recharge so she could show up more present and engaged. To her surprise, her partner embraced the idea. He shared that he, too, had been craving moments to focus on himself but had been unsure how to express it without seeming distant. Mary began practicing the pause by setting aside time for herself each week. She used these moments to journal, take yoga classes, or sit quietly with her thoughts. What shifted wasn’t just her energy but her mindset. The guilt she once associated with needing space began to fade as she saw how this intentional time apart strengthened their connection. When she returned to her partner after these pauses, she felt lighter, more grounded, and emotionally available. Their intimacy no longer felt like a box to check—it became something organic and fulfilling. She shared with me that her partner admitted that the time to focus on himself had allowed him to feel more connected to her than ever before. Mary’s story is a powerful reminder that pausing isn’t a weakness—it’s a strength. In relationships, creating space to honor your individuality isn’t denying intimacy; it’s nurturing it. *clients name was changed to respect privacy*
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